GROWING UP CONNECTED

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Behaviors and Competencies	Connected Kids	Unconnected Kids
Behavior as infants and toddlers	Secure, settled, trusting, interdependent, inner sense of well-being, learn early how people treat other people	Clingy, anxious, distant, angry, dependent, disorganized, impulsive
Obedience	Open to redirection, expect to behave, want to please, feel guided	Closed: protest redirection; oppositional, devious, defensive: don't know what behavior is expected, feel controlled
Getting along with peers, making and keeping friends	Sociable, considerate, cooperative, sympathetic, trusting, popular, more willing to share; deep lasting friendships; mixes well with all age groups	Aggressive, manipulative, selfish, unwilling to share, bullying or easily victimized; withdrawn, isolated, distant, distrusting, unpopular; shallow friendships
In preschool setting (observation of 3� year olds)	Social leaders, curious, eager to learn	Hesitant, less curiosity to learn
Empathy, caring	Sensitive, empathetic; consider others in decision making; help friends	Selfish, insensitive, unsympathetic
Problem-solving capabilities	Enthusiastic, persistent, positive, less frustrated, responsive to instruction, adaptable	Highly frustrated, negative, give up more quickly, less adaptable
Self-worth, confidence	High; realistic self-appraisal; confident	Low; lack confidence
Show of emotions	Appropriately expressive, transparent, affectionate	Stuff feelings; uncontrolled anger; react inappropriately; either overreact or clam up
Use of adult resources (facilitators)	Expect help, use facilitators wisely, confident in conversation with adults; eye contact	Distrust; don't seek help; avoid eye contact
Sense of right and wrong	Sincerely feel wrong when acting wrong; healthy guilt; innate sense of right and wrong	Don't feel remorse; confused sense of right and wrong
Adult outcome	Morally mature, more likely to have fulfilled marital relationships, less prone to addictive habits, more psychologically stable	Morally immature; risk of violence and sociopathic behaviors; problems with intimacy; less likely to be fulfilled in marital relationships; prone to addictive behaviors

The studies on which this table is based compared the quality of mother-infant attachment during the first two years with later outcome. These are statistical correlations only; there was not always a perfect correlation between how children were parented and the people they later became.